american press doesn't have a clue

as much power as the major media and press outlets have in the us, it's sad to see this influence being relegated to the back seat (or more accurately, thrown out the window all together) for more "lucrative" news/information coverage. i know there are a lot of politics involved, and i am staying far away from that can of worms, but it all has to stop somewhere. i don't give a damn about hannah montanah or milee cyrus or whatever the hell this chick's efn name is, but she seems to be on every major news websites' front damn page. are her photos that important to the state of america? i think this story is WAY more important to the american people. this chick has been on the front page for like 4 days now, and all sean bell got was a few hours and some half-ass justifications. since the sean bell verdict, it has been said several times and in several places that "a black man's life has no value in the us." i guess this is america's way of subtly throwing the country's agreement with this statement in our faces.

does nobody see a problem with this? how is this permitted?

we've been fooled as a people for too long with mere breadcrumbs that everything is cool in america (and the world for that matter) for blacks and people of color. the struggle is still the same however, but too many of us do not realize it. it's about time we get that field negro pain and suffering back into the hymns of our minds because that mickey mouse, "whistle while you work", bull sh*t is clearly not meant for nor working for us.

is it just me...

or is this rev. wright fella becoming senator obama's bill clinton? just a thought as it seems his new-found "fame" is providing the ultimate smokescreen for stuff that actually matters. i wouldn't be too surprised if senator clinton is not calling the plays from the booth upstairs. this guy is getting way too much press at a time when we need everyone's undivided attention on senator obama.

this comes as no surprise

as if we did not know the government was carefully crafting any and all information we were exposed to regarding the mess in iraq, the nytimes (registration required) has done quite a bit of digging to expose the white house's military puppets that were used to deliver its propaganda.

gas and food prices

and i am not even in the country and having to pay these outrageous prices. as i said a couple weeks ago, the economy is getting pretty scary. the dollar's value is already tanking and people are losing their jobs. now, you begin to take more of the weakened dollars out of our pockets at the pump and the grocery stores? necessities that are part of our daily lives.

i know that there are a number of families whose household incomes are being reduced to little or nothing and are in dire need of some help. but where is this help going to come from? it doesn't look like the recession WE ARE IN (forget the economists who are still saying that we are not in a recession yet) is going to let up anytime soon. it just reminds of the sad fact that hurricane katrina exposed back in 2005: you never want to be in a situation where you are dependent on the government to rescue you---dependence has always been the most elementary path to servitude.

later might never come

glad i got that other post done earlier this morning. the rest of the day has been pretty crappy.

productivity for today = ZERO

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."
- Grace Murray Hopper

something to think about for friday

a friend of mine sent me this link (registration required) to an AMAZING op-ed in the nytimes.

Quote #1. “If we can’t live in our country and be accepted as free citizens and human beings, then something’s the matter with something — and it isn’t me.”

Quote #2. "To demand truth commissions of other nations, while evading them at home, is unhelpful."

the first quote brings me to an interesting barrage of thoughts. as i think about growing up in the south, i oftentimes remember the older generation that had influences in my life. you know, the individuals that were one generation removed from slavery, the generation that were sharecroppers, the generation that lived through the depression, the generation that had the kkk burn crosses on their lawns, the generation that saw lynchings, the generation that had no police force to call upon for protection, the generation that lived jim crow before it had a name, the generation that gave up their seats on the bus, and the generation that bred the civil rights leaders. they saw and LIVED it all! i don't think that it is enough to say that wisdom comes with only age. wisdom comes with age AND life-changing experiences. in this day and age, we spend so much time with "educating" ourselves and learning big, fancy words, but, so many times it's all empty. this first quote is so eloquently put in its "poor" literary quality and the message so powerful with this combination of words that would get a resume thrown out of the window. i say that to say this, complex does not always mean better. sometimes, the truth in its simplest form is the way to open eyes. after all, if no one understands what you said, how effective can it really be???

as for the second quote, i have heard these sentiments echoed for as long as i can remember now. whether it be animal rights, tree rights, or the rights of people abroad, how can this country CONTINUE to be focused on these matters when there are PEOPLE (yes, they happen to be of color) that do not have all there rights (in the form of equality and true freedom and exempt from racism and prejudice) HERE....AT HOME!?!?!?!?! it makes no sense. i guess the fact that we have the laws to "protect" us from blatant racism, that we should be happy and just sit back and accept the hidden or discrete racism that plagues the entire country. as kanye west summed up america's (and the uk's too for that matter) view in his song "all falls down": "even if you in a benz, you still a n*gga in a coupe"!!! white america should be GRATEFUL that obama is the black man about to win the presidential election. cuz, if it was me or some other black men about to be the strongest man in the country, white folks would be in some serious trouble!

that's enough thought for the morning. maybe i will have more before i leave the office today.

learning how NOT to do things

i think i have finally figured this phd mumbo-jumbo out. it's all about figuring out how to be more thorough and correct as an independent thinker the FIRST time around.

i swear...it seems that most of my learning is in the form of "oh you did this or that wrong, what you need to do is this and consider these other possibilities as well." looking on the bright side, at least i am surrounded by people with the experience and knowledge to provide me with this knowledge now rather than figuring out my mistakes MUCH later down the road.

my deadline is approaching, and i haven't even decided what i want to test with my experiments. this is mainly because i have been EXTREMELY careless in trying to rush some things, and as a result, i continue to waste time i don't have doing things over and over again.

it's taking everything i have not to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. there is no excuse for the weeks i have wasted.........NONE!!! (rookie mistakes)

the conclusion

sorry i had to stop mid-thought last night, but here goes the rest

the last week and a half has been spent writing a relatively small program to generate a much lower-level trace of computer activity from a higher-level trace. the program i am writing "replays" the higher-level trace and captures the replayed activity at a much finer-grained level. make sense?.........good. my first mistake was thinking that this was going to be quick and easy. i mean, why not? it sounds simple right? if only i could express the pain, frustration, confusion, and anger experienced during this period of time. i could not stop myself from thinking that "i am going through this much pain MERELY to create a simple data set. i haven't even gotten to the point where i start testing my real work (the clever algorithm that manipulates the low-level data set once i have it)." however, seeing that i could not find a data set online that i could download and use, maybe few people if any have what i need and creating this special data set may be research-worthy after all. (thanks to my house-mate for pointing this out to me). last night, all the pain came to an end as i was able to figure out why i could not successfully create the data set. turns out, one line of code was causing me to use WAY too much memory. the minor issues described last night were (THANKFULLY) minor, and i was able to fix those this morning. those modifications just made my "replay" more accurate and representative of the initial transactions encountered on the machine that generated the high-level trace i am using.

so.....................now, i have to re-focus on getting everything (measure effectiveness of my "improvements", implement them on a real system, run experiments, and write 14 two-column pages) accomplished before may 8th (the paper submission deadline). insane, i know. but, the motivation and intensity i have right now will propel though the all-nighters i have ahead for the next 2-3 weeks. hopefully my blog won't suffer too much, but if i am absent, just know i am making it happen.

want to see what true genius looked like?

another hard fought battle won

it's 9:45 pm on a sunday night AND i have about another 45 minutes here in the office before i go home and decide what i want for dinner, cook, eat,sleep, and get up in the morning to come back here...i think that's a good place to start the story.

ok, so i had a quick disruption in my thought process as well as came across some more minor difficulties that i am too tired to deal with properly tonight. i am headed home. i will finish the solution in the morning and finish the story tomorrow as well. good night

keep plowing through

things have gotten really slow with my work, but i am doing all i can to keep pushing through it all and to stay motivated. i cannot allow myself to get too excited about coming home yet because there is so much work i need to complete before i leave. the headaches and stress are in abundance right now, but hopefully, things will come together for a much smoother final stretch.

on another note, i just ran across this news article. what a shame.

recession talk, faulty airplanes, and a joke of a torch relay

the news headlines have been nothing but bad news and sadness for the last few days, and it's looking like there is not much relief in sight. i swear....it's tough not to totally tune out. it's all VERY scary though:
1. recession - what if things continue to tank, will you be financially stable?
2. faulty airplanes - what if this is a norm that just so happened to get the whistle blown on it? what else are inspectors overlooking?
3. china - the decisions of the us gov't are such a joke at times that i find it hard to believe some of our elected officials are educated. how stupid do they think we are? wasn't one reason for invading iraq to deal with hussein's treatment of his people? what's different with china and tibet/sudan? (shhhh....don't say oil too loud). the us knows that china is not scared to fire off a couple of war heads over this way and blow some sh*t up.

big-time players in big-time moments make big-time plays in big-time games

this was one of my high school football coach's mantras before really big games, and saying that it definitely got my engines going is an understatement. it speaks to my type of personality...wanting to be at bat in the bottom of the ninth, having to lead a field-length 2-minute comeback in the 4th quarter, wanting to take that last shot. the ncaa championship game last night was absolutely amazing to watch. although i wanted memphis to win more than anything (and not just for the sake of my bracket). i felt like the team did not get the credit they deserved all season long, and winning the national championship was the only way to really open peoples' eyes.

the game came down to one simple thing (something bigger than the free throws...lol): kansas' players stepped up and made the plays when it counted down the stretch and memphis did not. of course the free throws are what stick out, but there were other opportunities as well. as much as i love derrick rose's game, he nor memphis' other star, chris douglass-roberts, made the big-time plays when they mattered the most. they say "pressure busts pipes." dealing with it is what separates the great players from the good ones. you have to not only love being on the center stage, but you have to not want to be anywhere else when everything is on the line and it's all up to you.

life tends to put us in these situations at times, and so many people ball up and shy away from the opportunity to be great. there is never room for fear. if you don't shoot the shot, there is a 100% chance that you won't make it

bottom of the totem pole

shifting gears with my research has been more punishment than i initially envisioned. for starters, figuring out which way to go took a bit longer than i anticipated. making the decision between a couple of really good alternatives has me held up at the moment. i need to crunch some numbers before i make the decision, but to crunch the numbers, i need to develop a simulator to run some preliminary tests. how fn stupid does that sound!!! (yes, it's been a VERY frustrating day....sorry) developing this simulator has been the bane of my existence for the past 48 hours. what i thought i knew, turned out to be totally WRONG. got some help and advice....that turned out to be totally WRONG. this is what i get for trying to take the easy way out. THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS.....EVER!!! this has been my mantra for the longest, but i guess i got ahead of myself. so much for getting things rolling as soon as i thought i would. to make matters worse, all i can seem to think about is the short amount of time i have to get this work done before the deadline. i have wasted SO much time. i've got to get it together.

added on top of this is the fact that i absolutely hate not understanding things. so my competitive nature has put me farther behind due to the fact i just have to understand EVERYTHING, even if it does not matter in getting things accomplished. put it this way, i am killing myself at the moment to understand some code that took a lot of people a lot of time to perfect. i am trying to duplicate the understanding and the work in a day. how crazy does that sound. i just need to forget everything, clear my mind, and start fresh tomorrow.

--"it's hard, but it's fair"

the boys of summer are back

baseball season is back FINALLY, and i can't wait to get back to the states and enjoy saturdays in the sun at the ballpark. i don't know that there is a more relaxing way to spend a few hours for me other than fishing. everyone has a first love...and mine is baseball!!!