welcome to the AfroSpear

what i thought would be another slow and tedious day turned out to be anything but that (until later as i am writing this post at 8:30 pm, but still.........let's keep things positive). i got a most unexpected invitation to become a part of the AfroSpear think tank and share my thoughts/ideas/concerns/etc. with some of the best and brightest all over the world via my digital soap box (better known as my blog)!!! if you scroll down on my blog, you will see the members' pages/blogs. these are some pretty heavy individuals, and i do not take this new found responsibility lightly. it's motivating and intimidating all at the same time, but i could not be more proud to be among the ranks of these fellow catalysts for change in america and throughout the world!!! this movement was a GREAT idea and i applaud the vision and efforts of those individuals who started this conscious effort. it's an honor and a privilege, and i look forward to sparking thought and insight as part of this network from a student's perspective.

as for work, i finally (FINALLY!!!) made my way through the jungle of problems that i have faced the last month or so and can continue with the next steps of my research. the conference in san diego will consume my time for the next week and a half, but i can continue to run tests in the background while my focus is diverted to more time-sensitive tasks. i am looking forward to getting back to america for the conference and for my internship this summer. God knows i need it!!!

still not much to say

the creative juices have been gone for some time now, and i can only hope that once i solve these irritating issues regarding my testing environment, i can get the ball rolling again and have some interesting thoughts to post throughout the day. now, i am just too consumed to think about anything else. i did see this interesting article today though:

the unselfish concern...

there are no shortcuts

the process is long and tedious, but highly rewarding. however, everyone is not capable of making it through. the rewards are there. just go get them. hard work should not be feared, only embraced. the value of quality will ALWAYS be greater than that of quantity. perfection may be impossible, but striving for perfection is NOT!!!

"show me a gracious loser, and i'll show you a loser"

mentally out of gas

i really wanted to have a thought-provoking post today, but my work has drained me mentally and physically today. i made some crucial discoveries today, however, they were not easy to come by. i hope to have a more meaningful and entertaining post tomorrow. if not, maybe the long weekend will help get me back on track.

p.s. - 33 more days!!!

remember: it's a marathon, not a sprint!!!

i try to keep this fact in mind, but everyone likes to see results..........or at least some progress every now and then. it's now day 3 and i am still stumped at the results i am seeing. i do have an idea to try first thing tomorrow, but i just hate i have wasted so much time on a matter that is not producing results that i can use in my work or publish. HOWEVER, i need to find a solution because these results validate my other, important test results. some dilemma huh?

just spinning my wheels

there has to be some conspiracy going on that i am totally oblivious to. it seems as though every time i prepare to take a step in the progress direction, something ALWAYS goes wrong. it's like i am running up the down escalator with blinders on. between being stumped, confused, and things not working like they should, i only get to spend .1% of my time doing USEFUL work. how's that for efficiency. maybe i'll have better luck tomorrow. at least i know where to start looking...........or do i?

an AMAZING may 18th post/comment about "race" on plezWorld from francis l. holland

race & skin color

taking inventory

reflecting on my decision to come to school way out here, i have realized a WHOLE lot of things. i don't have time, or space, to enumerate them all, but here are a few (in no particular order or priority):

1. this was as far away from home that i have been for more than 3 months, and one major thing i have learned is knowing what i want/need/desire in any place that i make my home (that is if i do not wind up back in atlanta). thinking about this yesterday and this morning randomly, i realized that probably most people could not give you a definitive list of must-haves when contemplating living somewhere other than "home."
2. i have been tested mentally and emotionally for longer periods of time than any other experience in my life. this is in no way fun as you are going through the tests, but i find myself looking at situations (past and current) and being amazed that i am still living and breathing. i often wonder what/how others feel and if they are dealing with issues this serious OUTSIDE of one's day-to-day grind.
3. i have never been homesick or depressed before coming out here, and it is hard for me to understand the cause because so much is involved. i don't know whether if it's being away from home or just the people i care about. the depression is a different kind of monster to deal with. it has its ups and downs, but i can always tell when it comes on because i start sleeping more..........and i NEVER sleep like that!!!


this experience has definitely put things into better perspective for me. i'm just ready for the situation where i can be around the one i care about forever!!!

rain for 5 straight days

i know i am in england, but can a guy get a break.................................please. it's been raining for 5 days straight now, and it is really starting to get on my nerves. it would not be so bad if i was not walking EVERYWHERE, but i have no car. and i really needed to go to the grocery store after work today. and anybody that knows me knows that i enjoy food A LOT. i need a car. this is for the birds.

the countdown begins

i have officially begun the countdown until i go home for the summer. i wanted to wait until i was a month out, but i needed the motivation of knowing how many DAYS i have until the summer to get me through these next couple of weeks.............6 to be exact. with so much distraction these last 3 weeks, i do not think i will end the year where i had initially planned to, but i have made some VERY important strides and hope things will pick up smoothly where i left off when i get back next year.

i do want to apologize to my faithful readers as i have not had many interesting posts as of late. i am aware of the problem and am diligently trying to rectify this (however, funny and entertaining thoughts/ideas have been successfully eluding me). please bear with me.

pain is temporary

you become a stronger person by being tested to your limits; those limits, in turn, are pushed farther back each time. we fear the uncertainty of the outcome, but triumph in being able to stand in the midst of the trial. we must not forget the hardships we have endured to get to this point and remain confident that we will stand strong when this one is over.

taking time to breathe

it feels like i haven't had time to breathe the last couple of days, but i have managed to put all the fires out and relax a little bit. there is still a mountain of work to get done immediately AND long-term. i have to learn to take it one step at a time though.

dependability & reliability

both are intangible qualities of awesome friends. i can only hope that my friends can say without any doubt and hesitation that i possess both of these essential qualities. there is just something to say about those individuals that you don't have to worry another moment once they say that they will take care of something for you (AND.......not have to call them or email them a hundred times to get the job done). the peace of mind is priceless. i guess some people just really don't have the desire or care to be great friends. that doesn't surprise me. taking pride in EVERYTHING that you do takes a lot of effort and i wouldn't want anybody to overexert themselves.................besides.................EXCUSES are much simpler..........................

the headaches continue. a million things to do, very little time, so much chaos and confusion all at the same time

in the middle of a slump

things have been less than perfect for quite some time now (2+ weeks), and i am finding it difficult to maintain any type of motivation and determination to keep working through it. just like in baseball, you are not looking for a streak of home runs to break the slump (granted, you wouldn't turn them down). a couple of singles will do you just fine. that's all i am asking for now.....................a base hit here and there. your confidence is tested during these periods, but one must remember to always believe and keep working. it sounds easy, although it can seem impossible from down here. the icing on my cake right now is that i have gotten nowhere near the amount of work that i wanted to have accomplished by now. i am REALLY behind in terms of reaching my vision by the end of june. i've got to find some way to catch up. however, it feels impossible when so many things are fighting against me right now. not to mention how difficult it can be sometimes to quell the frustration and keep focused.

mental toughness

the last couple of weeks have been more than trying, and i am just glad that i have been able to maintain my sanity. between hang-ups with the progress of my research and dealing with the lack of a social outlet for me here in cambridge, i have really had a tough time dealing. i believe i am just nearing the end of my tolerance. the same thing happened last year, and all i needed was a quick trip home and that got me to the end of june. i did not expect this journey in my life to be such a strain mentally. it is definitely draining, and i am sure that it causes the depression i experience here and there.

on a much happier note, i got my paper i submitted last month accepted!!! this is another HUGE milestone, and i am EXTREMELY happy. this could not have come at a better time. the deadline was may 1st, but i did not receive the email notification until this afternoon (when i could not have been more down in the dumps). God is always right on time. this has definitely put some much needed bounce in my step, and it's time to celebrate tonight!!!

"if it was easy, everybody would be doing it"
- coach wilson

when wanting to just isn't enough

i wanted to be productive today.........i did.......honestly. BUT......................things didn't quite work out for me as i had planned. i'm not sure if yesterday drained me or just took the wind out of my sails temporarily, but whatever it was, i could not find the focus to do anything other than procrastinate today. i got about an hour's worth of work done, and the rest was merely passing the time. i seem to have lost the determination and motivation to push forward full-speed until i leave at the end of next month. i must take this opportunity to refocus and remember what it's going to take to reach my goals for this year and those to come. things have to get turned around here, or i am in for a huge let down. on the bright side, i do have a bit more confidence in my own thoughts and ideas, and feel more of a sense of comfort in believing that i am maturing as a researcher. let's not get too carried away here because there is still a LONG way to go and LOADS of work before the end is anywhere near, let alone in reach. it's out there......................just go get it done.

"don't be afraid to be great"

p.s. - this sounds very sci-fi but would be really cool if it works

what does a "free country" mean again? where will all this end?

at wit's end

i came in with a good idea to solve my problems, but to no avail. i really don't have anymore solutions at this point. i believe i have one more surge at solving this issue (which would require waiting a couple days for parts), and then, it's time to find an alternative......................much weaker and less scientific. i want to avoid this at all costs, but i may not have a choice if my last attempt is no good. my brain hurts now, so i am going home. i hope to get an email later tonight about the status of my paper submission a few weeks ago. i'm definitely anxious about this.

p.s. - "it's google for the nba"