Thursday, July 09, 2009

having purpose (short- and long-term)

i have not been at a loss for purpose and things to do for the past three months it seems, and i am very pleased to say so. my existence here in cambridge is pretty solitary (if not completely so). on the one hand, this is a great thing because there is no one to distract me from the job at hand. on the other is the fact (more like fear) that maybe i have forgotten how to balance intense work with play. this was just a thought i had today while walking to work this morning. seeing how intensely i have locked in over the past month, i really hope that subconsciously i know that it is acceptable to do that here (where i am alone and no one is depending on me), but once i get back around family and friends in the us, i need more balance.

that was the short-term part.

as for long-term, i also fear that my appetite to do and want more may be insatiable and happiness may be something i continuously chase rather although i have already caught and just don't know it. i guess this really plays out when you have people around you that care about you deeply, but you cannot truly enjoy then and be happy because you are too busy NOT being thankful and happy for all that you have accomplished and relationships achieved. i do not think this is the case, but it is one of those things of which you need to be aware.

as i have said for about 10 years now, my competitiveness is my gift and my curse.


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