in search of a sense of 1st year closure

i have one more day in the office, and i find myself searching for some sense of closure/accomplishment for this first year. i would have loved to get a paper out, to have done more talks, or at least attended a conference. although all of these things are related and closely coupled (i.e. - if you get a paper accepted to a conference/workshop, you most likely attend the conference/workshop and probably give a talk to the group or at the event), i feel like i failed myself for each of these milestones as individual and separate entities. granted, i have set my experiments and research up to yield success in these areas upon my return in october, i REALLY wanted to have one of these "trophies" to take home with me this summer. i am still in the midst of the battle for my research independence and gaining complete control/understanding of my own research path. working with others is wonderful, but in these early stages, i tend to forget that it is necessary and see it as me just tagging along for the ride. i want to be the driver........and drive FAST.


p.s. - "there are no iPods in baseball....or are there???" (in the Tom Hanks voice from A League of Their Own)