diary of a phd student

the transition: www.equbed.org

2010-10-09T13:29:00.005+01:00

faithful readers, it is with great pleasure that i announce the launching of my new website and blog. the site is based upon my non-profit initiative and i hope you all read that blog just as faithfully as you have read this one. the url for the site is http://www.equbed.org/ . check out the site and let me know what you think. bookmark it. read it. point people to it. share it. follow me on twitter. join the movement. and most importantly, Make Your Reality!!!

thank you all, and i wish you all the best in the future.

sincerely,

anthony hylick

very interesting perspective...

2010-08-11T02:37:00.002+01:00

nytimes article about the negative effects of slums touring that has been increased due to popular culture. just going, snapping pictures, and then retreating back to our lives of luxury do no good:

see article here

more than busy

2010-07-22T05:44:00.001+01:00

it's been so hectic as of late with work really ramping up, but now that a deadline is behind me, i should be able to breathe much easier. i hope to dedicate more time to reading, writing, and getting equbed up and running. the new website and blog will be launching in a couple of weeks and i look forward to getting this readership over to it. i am sure you will find it awesome.

@equbed in the meantime on twitter

cambridge congregation

2010-07-22T05:38:00.003+01:00

so the day i waited so long for finally came and went. graduation was this past saturday at the senate-house in cambridge. it was pretty amazing to see the completion of such an amazing journey. even more so, being able to document it here on my blog the entire time.

i'm not a kobe fan, but i respect him a great deal

2010-06-07T14:03:00.006+01:00

again, let me be perfectly clear: i am NOT a kobe fan, NOR am i a lakers fan. however, i do feel very strongly that kobe is the best player in the league and the lakers are the best team. as much as it pains me to say it, kobe is approaching the greatness that the one-and-only mj achieved.

so, here's to the mj cameos, phil jackson, spike lee, and to 1/2 of my favorite rap duo (outkast), andre 3000, on the audio

remembering the pride and excitement, so we can get it back

2010-05-20T13:14:00.003+01:00

so this morning, i was looking through my lengthy list of quotes and i came across this:

"There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair. The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than tonight that we will get there. I promise you, we as a people will get there. There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem. But I will be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it has been done in America for 221 years---block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand"
- President-Elect Barack Obama (election victory speech before being sworn in as President)

i don't know what the President's speech writer has been up to lately, but it has been since his naacp address that i felt so inspired by his words. this is the type of inspiration and encouragement we need to regain and remember as we keep fighting to right the ship. i have complete faith in the President, and i can only wait eagerly until his speeches regain that fire and dedication that they once had. i know you can do it!!!

on another note, this is the kind of words that should motivate us all each morning as we start our days, 'the road will be long, our climb will be steep'---learn to love the journey, learn to embrace the struggle, learn to be happy with moving towards the goal (not just crossing the finish line); because the reality is that there is no finish line. it keeps moving to bigger and better things as you get closer and cross the damn thing!!!

keep striving to be the best everyday. mastery and greatness!!! let's go.

happy mother's day

2010-05-09T23:08:00.001+01:00

to my mother, i love you dearly and cannot thank you and dad enough for raising me to be the man that i am today. i think it's safe to say that you all did alright!!!

ready, set, go

2010-04-28T00:02:00.002+01:00

finally settled in (both in the new city and at work), and i am finally getting some real work done and contributing. it felt great today as i was presenting some graphs from some data i collected. from there, i was able to decide what to do next and get on the ball with that. i love my job. i love solving very hard problems. i love helping the world through my work.

it's great. now, let's make sure this feeling never changes for the worse or goes away!!!

new job, new blog

2010-04-19T13:59:00.003+01:00

last week was my first week at my new job, and i couldn't be more excited about this opportunity and new beginning. i look forward to making the most of it and all my upcoming endeavors.

one of such endeavors is a new blog. i am sorting out web designers right now, so i look to have the blog live in a couple of months. stay tuned, and i'll send you the link. in the meantime, i will continue to blog here while i work on the design and content for my new blog!

the end of a journey

2010-03-30T05:43:00.002+01:00

so, here i sit waiting for the car to come pick me up and take me to the train station to catch my flight. as i was enjoying the peace and quiet that accompanies 4:45 am, i could not help but think about this being my last time in the uk for this length of time. it is definitely a bitter-sweet feeling knowing that the end is here but this is what i have been asking for for so long---to be able to go back home. i have met so many wonderful individuals and learned so much about life, myself, and the world in general. more importantly, i learned how much i did not know. there is no better teacher than experience. that has been the most rewarding part of this entire journey the last 4.5 years, meeting ~~people~~ friends (how could i ever make that mistake in misnaming them) from around the world that have offered open invitations to come visit. thank you sincerely and know that the same holds true for you at my home.

as i close, i must give a huge thank you to mr. mhy for letting me crash at his place in london for the last 26 days as i finished up my requirements for school. i owe you big time for this family. i cannot wait to offer you the same hospitality. i love you like a brother and thank God everyday for allowing us to cross paths. there are no accidents, and i know that God had a wonderful plan in mind when we crossed paths that faithful saturday playing basketball. we have so many stories and have experienced so much of our separate journeys together, which has made my own experience that much more enjoyable and memorable.

i must pack up my laptop now, but i will be back once i touch down back in georgia.

PASSED my dissertation defense

2010-03-13T21:26:00.006Z

first off, many apologies for delaying this post and not posting it yesterday. i hope you understand that i was so intense before my defense (it is actually called a viva in the uk) and so ecstatic after i passed that this blog post was delayed. indeed, as you have been with me since the start, i cannot imaging that i forgot to share the great news with you all. it has been a great journey, but a journey that i am happy to see come to an end as i prepare for the next chapter in life.

the viva went really well, and i knew about halfway through that i had completed the requirements to be awarded the degree of phd. it feel freekin' awesome. i can't put it into words. there was such a sense of relief and weights being lifted off of my shoulders when i heard the words: "congratulations dr. hylick, you have passed your viva and are awarded the degree of phd with minor corrections." such a sweet reward from a long journey a LONG way from home.

i guess that is the beauty of it all. you work hard for it and earn the achievement, and you feel such a euphoric feeling of happiness and sense of accomplishment that is only temporary as a feeling, but PERMANENT in terms of a lifetime of confidence in your ability to achieve this and any other goal going forward simply by thinking about this event in time.

this blog has really helped me to maintain my sanity through this arduous process that is a phd, but too, it has forced me to really learn how to think through and articulate feelings that otherwise may go unspoken. i hope that reading this blog through my journey has provided, not only entertainment and updates, but also a 'survival guide' if you will that will help others navigate the graduate school process.

there will be more posts as the next few weeks roll by, but i will be sending out links to my new blog to share some other passions that i have been working on for about 2 years now. thank you for riding with thus far, and do continue to press on until victory is won!!! in the famous words of jimmy v "don't give up, don't ever give up."

-anthony hylick

approaching the day that i have been waiting for since i started my phd

2010-03-10T13:45:00.002Z

it's funny how all the hard work and many hours are finally coming to an end as i approach my dissertation defense (it's called a viva in the uk...but same thing). the work has been done, and it is up to this oral examination for me to showcase that i deserve this degree. no pressure right....lol.

i am confident in my work and honestly feel that i am prepared for this examination after having gone the rigorous process that is interviewing for industry and academic research positions. i have done this before in front of people that i did not necessarily feel as comfortable with and prevailed. so why should this be any different or any more difficult?

this chapter in my life is almost over, and the joy of having achieved this goal will be very refreshing------then.........#ontothenextone!!!

back in the uk

2010-03-08T12:06:00.002Z

i made it back to england this past friday and am still trying to shake the jetlag and get back into the productivity groove. my dissertation defense is friday morning, and i am preparing all this week. i feel very confident in my knowledge of and the quality of my submitted work. at this point, i am just anxious to get the game started and show what i know.

more updates to come this week. it's kinda funny how i've been waiting for the moment since i started my phd in 2005, and it is finally here!!! we've come a mighty long way, and the end is right there. don't give up now. finish strong ant. finish strong!!!!

let's GOOOOOOOOOOO.

worthwhile talks to watch

2010-03-08T12:04:00.001Z

on my youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/equbed i've shared some of the videos that i think align rather nicely with my equbed brand. please do check them out and let me know what you think.

follow me on twitter @equbed

2010-03-03T03:45:00.001Z

check me out. more posts and tweets to come.

here's a view from my soon-to-be place

2010-03-01T00:45:00.001Z

GG View from equbed on Vimeo.

50 posts until 500

2010-02-13T22:38:00.002Z

i am 2 weeks into preparing for my dissertation defense and have the rest of this month to prepare. it's been going well, and i am eager to go into it. i really wish my shipped goods would get hear. i need the printouts of my references to expedite the review process.

outside of my phd, i have really turned up the heat on a couple other side projects that will be launching in the next 6 months or so. i am very excited about this and can't wait to share with you all. this includes a new blog and website!!!

sine being home, i have gotten a lot of practice speaking to young people, and i have a huge engagement next saturday (~150 young men). this is the start of something great! you heard it here first.

p.s. - these next 50 posts are going to be interesting as things are not going to get any less hectic over the next 3 months. it will be interesting.

e-trade baby outtakes.......hilarious

2010-02-10T14:03:00.002Z

a little humor to get you through the day

back to the phd grind

2010-02-04T21:27:00.003Z

it's back on the phd horse as i prepare for my defense next month. i cracked my dissertation open a few days ago and am trolling through it. i wish my shipped cargo would hurry up and get here because there is a box of research papers that i have referenced that i really could use in the next phase of studying. i made some notes on these publications, and it would be helpful to see what i wrote on those papers in summary. reading all 130 references again is probably not the most efficient option.

success

2010-02-04T21:08:00.004Z

i was just flipping through the channels during a late lunch about an hour or so ago and came across this news segment (headline news) reading facebook comments from individuals about how graduating high school students are not prepared for college. my experience has confirmed this amongst my peers. this whole 'no child left behind' mess for k-12 of the previous administration was one of the worst things done in the school system that i can remember. as one of the facebook commenters (a former college educator) wrote in "there isn't a success story for everyone."

upon reading this initially it sounds harsh.....very harsh. BUT, the problem is that it is not incorrect or false. it is just incomplete. what should have been stated is that "there isn't an IDENTICAL success story for everyone IN THE SAME FIELD IN THE SAME WAY." i am in no way trying to state that education isn't for everyone because i believe whole-heartedly that it is. however, what i am saying is that 'success' in formal education will be different and is relative for each student. there is no catch all program for education to make everyone a straight 'A' student. that is not everyone's path. and most importantly, that is not success for every student. that is not what education is about. the educational system in america is so screwed up, and it is only being exaggerated by educators that do not realize (either by choice or by ignorance) the intense responsibility that they possess.

school has become this institution to teach memorization and not how to apply the knowledge that is being gained. true success is being able to take what you learn and synthesize it into something useful.......NOT simply to be valedictorian.

black clergy: where are you?

2010-01-26T18:37:00.002Z

my dad and i just had a great conversation over lunch, and he pointed me to this great article he saw in the paper yesterday. my comment was about the responsibility we as black people have to make sure we are holding ourselves accountable for our communities. and what has been the cornerstone of the black community since slavery---the black church.

great 2 minute read. it will spark a lot of thought, and i hope it sparks even more action and awareness. enjoy.

http://www.macon.com/151/story/995699.html

relaxing these last few weeks

2010-01-15T14:24:00.002Z

it's been an awesome feeling being able to forget about graduate school and my dissertation for the last few weeks. i still have some more relaxing to do before i must pick up my dissertation and publications and references to prepare for my viva. it's funny because i had a mini-nightmare last night about not knowing anything in my dissertation. then....i came to my senses and realized that when i was writing my dissertation, i knew so much more than i gave myself credit for. in addition to that, when i was preparing for and during the interview process, i had such a strong sense of confidence in my work and my knowledge that i have nothing to worry about. i'll gladly take a couple more weeks of relaxing, but when the time comes to start preparing for my viva, it will be greeted with confidence and positive thoughts.

rethinking happiness

2010-01-11T06:04:00.002Z

this video is 2 hours long, but i promise you that it will be well worth every second of your time. please watch and enjoy.

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/video/rethinking-happiness

happy founders day to the brother of kappa alpha psi fraternity, inc

2010-01-05T21:54:00.001Z

how could i have left this off my previous post.

YO YO!!!

twitter is a beast

2010-01-05T20:52:00.002Z

been puttin in a lot of work on my twitter page (@equbed). it's really interesting to see how social media is revolutionizing the way we consume information. i read one person describe this new wave of targeted and subscribed information being 100% available to us anywhere as 'hyper-connectivity.'

what i am finding is that the abyss that is the world (by way of the internet) can be very intimidating and carving out your niche such that your voice is heard is very challenging. in addition to all of this, i am finding it difficult to maximize my participation while at the same time minimizing the time spent generating my contribution. i think this is the key.

twitter users and those deeply immersed in social media: thoughts???

happy new year!!!

2010-01-03T06:38:00.002Z

been really crazy and busy the last few days. who knew relaxing back at home would turn into such great fun. enjoying every bit of it, but there is still much preparation as i transition to the next steps.

and yet another...

2009-12-14T08:57:00.003Z

the nytimes is running an interesting article on "children covered by Medicaid [being] given powerful antipsychotic medicines at a rate four times higher than children whose parents have private insurance. And the Medicaid children are more likely to receive the drugs for less severe conditions than their middle-class counterparts, the data shows." [free registration required]

it is terrible and scary that this is occurring. but, what is even more terrifying is the fact that you have 'educated' idiots that do not see any problem with this. (see comments in the slashdot article here) these bastards are so busy with their pissing contest to see who is the smartest that they totally miss the point of the article. the article ain't about 'is our study correct', i mean hell, this work has been accepted to a PEER-REVIEWED medical journal!

i guess this is just what happens when you are so far removed from reality and the extent to which people are struggling and hurting in the world. you just don't know any better. what do you expect, most of these commenters probably were using computers in the 70's and did not want for anything. so they probably don't give a damn anyway...until too many 'undesirables' begin to move into their neighborhood...and the concern is again in the wrong place.

constantly convince yourself

2009-12-11T14:56:00.003Z

here's an interesting sit-down by esquire magazine with fifty. some definite gems in the responses. of particular interest to some prevalent thoughts as of late: 'sometimes you do need to convince yourself through convincing others.'

preciate that fifty

the grind don't stop

2009-12-09T16:32:00.002Z

we work non-stop in order to achieve the goals before us. nobody but you can tell if you are working too hard. i think people say things like "don't work too hard" without realizing that hard work is what life takes. i don't see the basis for statements like these from individuals that have no idea of what your goals are. how do others know how hard you need to work when they have no idea what you are trying to accomplish? even so, how can people that have not accomplished what you are trying to achieve give you advice on how to do it? as jay-z says on already home on his blueprint 3 album "everybody wanna tell you how to do it, they never did it." is this just another unconscious word vomit....i think so. even worse, perhaps this may stem from a deep-seated 'sour grapes' or 'crabs-in-a-bucket' mentality that does not want you to succeed more than them, or more than they were willing to work for.

not everybody has your best interests in mind, and it is your responsibility to filter the things that people say. some people don't want to see you succeed---and the scary part is that they might not consciously know that they want you to fail!!!

we don't lose because we have already won!!!

me = ali, phd = liston

2009-12-08T17:27:00.002Z

nuff said.

submitted and chillin'

2009-12-08T14:39:00.001Z

i successfully submitted my dissertation on friday and have been chillin' ever since. it's been a huge load off, and i am thoroughly enjoying the relaxation that has resulted from this milestone being achieved.

my last 12-hour day

2009-12-02T23:05:00.003Z

just getting home and settled from work, and i was pleased to know that this will be my last 12-hr day in my office in the lab. i swear fighting this dissertation is more than i anticipated, but it will all end tomorrow when i submit it. the roller-coaster of emotions, ping-ponging back and forth between feeling extremely confident in my work to feeling like it's a bunch of crap has been almost too much to handle in the last couple of weeks. getting feedback on your dissertation can be a pain in the ass too because it requires others to sacrifice so much time to read it, and most are not willing to spend that time. so, you are left reading all 180 pages yourself and it all looks the same to you. it's like a waste of damn time. it definitely has me wondering whether or not my experience is the norm or if my loneliness in my work is an exception. it's funny because my advisor did not even have any specific comments about it. i mean really. if your advisor doesn't read it in detail in order to give you feedback, then who is supposed to?!?!?!

i keep tellin' myself it will all be over soon, but i cannot wait. at this point, i am extremely tired, frustrated, and ready to get the hell back to the us.

good night

still not convinced that you get it homie

2009-11-30T19:20:00.002Z

check out this post from jd's global14 blog

buddy starts out on the right track, but then he tails off drastically with some 'interesting' statements. he almost has it, but i think he still has some work to do. i thought this was interesting from the vantage point of seeing what superficial 'things' people associate with being different/making a positive statement/progressiveness/etc.

maybe i am just being to tough on the dude.

food stamp usage up in the US (awesome display of a ton of info)

2009-11-29T11:24:00.001Z

check out the article in the nytimes [registration may be required]

the term 'IT' as an insult....please read

2009-11-29T11:09:00.002Z

when people don't really know what you do, and all they know is that you are heavily involved in computers....they can tend to describe you as being in the IT field. this cannot be more insulting. for me personally, i am a computer engineer by degree, and my phd is in computer science. as dijkstra so eloquently put it "computer science is as much about computers than astronomy is about telescopes." computers are just tools we use to prove our work (and are also the manifestations of the usefulness of our work), which is a great deal of the time complicated mathematics.

any smuck with no education that fixes internet connectivity issues or removes viruses from your pc can be called an 'IT guy.' because of this, when you call a computer scientist or computer engineer an 'IT person' there can be a feeling that you have disregarded their many years of education to attain their level of knowledge and expertise. and no one likes this. call it arrogance if you will, but we have a right to feel this way.

here is a post i saw this morning that resurrected these thoughts that i have held for almost 10 years now:

don't call me an IT guy

p.s. - the video professor is a scam

understanding the importance of temporary

2009-11-27T17:47:00.006Z

zab 'super' judah was touted as a very promising up-and-coming boxer around the same time as floyd 'money' mayweather. zab was really making a name for himself and was known for being an arrogant bastard. BUT, he always backed up his talk and antics in the ring, so no one could really say anything to him. in the video below however, he really illustrates that pride and arrogance goeth before a fall......LITERALLY!!!

watch the video. it's ok to laugh because the sh*t is hilarious. BUT, think about how zab was so prideful that he could not accept that he got knocked down enough to STAY THE HELL down until he regrouped. just because you get knocked down does not mean that the fight is over. any and all 'setbacks' are ALWAYS temporary. temporary is defined as lasting, existing, or effective for a time only; not permanent. NOT PERMANENT. everything in life is temporary...even success. think about this next time you feel that things are going bad. just know that they are not that way forever, and we all have the power to change our situations, starting with our state of mind.

have a great weekend.

doublin' up on turkey day

2009-11-26T14:37:00.002Z

very ironic that i run across this blog post by tim ferriss as i was pondering very similar thoughts on the walk to work today

the benefits of pissing people off

the last thanksgiving away from family

2009-11-26T12:47:00.002Z

4 years and 4 thanksgivings later, today will be the last time i spend thanksgiving away from my family and friends. i miss you all. oh yeah, the food too.

enjoy your family and friends everyone. there is ALWAYS much to be thankful for. happy thanksgiving.

continuation from my last post

2009-11-25T17:53:00.002Z

randomly, i had a conversation with a friend yesterday very much along the lines of what i posted monday. one comment she made was this:

"the people that are strong are put in positions where they must be strong whether they want to or not"

i couldn't have said it better myself. BUT, is it by chance or by choice that these 'strong' individuals find themselves in situations where they are required to be strong? is this 'happenstance' a result of being strong? just some things to ponder.

on the road to submission front, i am continuing to work on my dissertation and finalize it. i have looked at the damn thing for the past 3 days, and i am ready to wash my hands of it for a few weeks. 40,000 words and 180 pages will be submitted THIS friday. can't wait.

implicit responsibility

2009-11-23T19:15:00.002Z

what's been really interesting in the social conversations that i have had recently as i am finishing up my phd is that there is so much responsibility and implicit pressure for me to finish and be successful. this feeling can be really weird because you find out that you have so many people that seem to have so much invested in your success and you don't want to let them down. on the other hand, it makes me feel really good in having established 'my brand' so successfully that people EXPECT success from things that i am involved in.

understanding all of this, what responsibility is there because of this situation? is this something that is shared amongst all but possibly in other ways? how does awareness of this situation change things, if it does at all?

just some thoughts...sorry for the short post, but i have to run.

back in the uk for the final stretch

2009-11-12T17:14:00.002Z

things are progressing very well. it's hard to digest the fact that i am almost done. it feels great. there is still some writing to be done in the next couple of weeks, but i hope to submit my dissertation by the end of the month. it was awesome to see the last four years of my life printed out. then, i spent 3 whole days editing the last four years......not that fun. making corrections to my dissertation was almost as painful as writing the damn thing. it's done now, and i am waiting on comments from colleagues.

my job interviews went well in the us, and i have several more interviews in the us and the uk.

i will keep you updated. my other, personal endeavors are coming along nicely, and my personal website will be up soon. things could not be more exciting right now.

busy---traveling, interviewing, finishing...

2009-10-21T23:22:00.002+01:00

ever since i got back home to the us on the 7th, it has been 100 mph from the time i stepped off the plane until, finally, today, i have been able to regroup and continue working on my dissertation and thinking about after graduation. i just got back on my workout regimen this morning and also my reading and writing. i picked up dan brown's 'lost symbol' as well as ordered a couple of titles by edward tufte (envisioning information and the visual display of quantitative information). now, i have a total of 5 books; 3 of which i am currently reading.

as far as post-graduation plans, the heat is really starting to pick up as the realness and urgency of decisions that i must make are more pronounced. it's all exciting but scary as hell at the same time. i am excited about getting my website up and running soon. i am also looking forward to loads of conversations with individuals about my passion and how it will manifest itself.

i've got a lot of things to talk about, but i need time to formulate it all in a coherent form as it is all scattered in my brain at the moment. lots of powerful words and phrases and thoughts that i can share.

to be continued...

first draft of my dissertation COMPLETE

2009-09-28T14:18:00.003+01:00

just wanted to share that i have finally completed the 1st draft of my dissertation. i am still making minor modifications, but the bulk is done. i will be ready to send out chapters for comments and feedback in just a few days. this feeling is so awesome, and i am just thankful that i was able to persevere and get to this point. things lined up very nicely, and i am happy to see that my deadlines i set for myself worked extremely well. the last 2 months have been long and arduous, but it is always nice to see that the hard work was not in vain.

one of my new mantras is 'make the struggle mean something,' and what i mean by this is that too often we fail simply because we give up just before our time comes. if we can just hold on a bit longer, most times we will achieve our goal. most times you can defeat your adversary simply by lasting longer than he can.

p.s. - AIRPORT FRUSTRATION...we've all had it standing in the check-in lines....this is an interesting story about an airline CEO that got a taste of his OWN medicine in his OWN airline's check-in line

jackass is NOT a DAMN curse word....it was on cartoons i watched as a kid

2009-09-16T14:35:00.003+01:00

just heard a caller into the rickeysmileymorningshow and she said that president obama cursed. jackass ain't a damn curse word. damn is though....lol.

i guess this post was practice for twitter usage. sorry for the brevity. just had to share.

'bow in the presence of GREATNESS' - kanye west

2009-09-12T12:01:00.004+01:00

congratulations MJ. regardless of what you say, YOU ARE the greatest player ever. thanks for the moments and the ride. i am just grateful that i was growing up during the time to have you as a role model. you have shaped my life and inspired the competition that drives me EVERY DAY of my life. i cannot thank you enough and owe you so much. you were put on this earth to play this game and you did it the best.

GO HERE TO ESPN to see the top 23 moments of his career. be ready to be astonished

will THIS struggle ever go away

2009-09-11T08:43:00.004+01:00

probably not as long as we still have racist parents spreading that cancer to their kids. look at how the president of the damn united states was treated most recently by a member of congress and no one is fuming. i swear, the entitlement of certain individuals.

peep how in the video his daughter is called 'black' simply because she was not white. as comedians have said, if you ain't white, you're black. this was a great example of this. look at what non-white people have to deal with in ALL walks of life.

i like this article

2009-09-09T18:43:00.002+01:00

i would argue that in a world where access to the world's information is ubiquitous and open, and there are almost no secrets anymore (or gatekeepers of information restricting access), this type of mentality will infect other professional areas, not just tech and medicine:

the truth about managing geeks

the last few years were preparation for these last months of my phd

2009-09-08T18:43:00.002+01:00

it just dawned on me the reason i was placed here in cambridge and have had the social (or serious lack there of) experience that i have: the purpose was preparation for this very moment where work has become balls to the wall as i make this final push to finish my phd. the fact that i am not missing some great social life (as has been the case since day 1) in being in the office for 10-12 hours daily makes it much easier to put in the necessary hours without a second thought about something more fun. here in cambridge (at least my experience...can't speak for everyone) 'something more fun' does NOT exist and will NEVER exist. this just isn't the place for that. at least not the fun that i am used to and long for.

cambirdge is simply full of cambirgde-caliber students. and frankly, there isn't a place on the cambirdge university application that requires you to be a social being....just smart. no 'urban' social outlets here. just.....well, i'll leave that part out as i have bashed cambirdge enough in one post!

p.s. - i think it is interesting how people thought racism in america would disappear overnight just because we have a black president now. them people still hate anything non-white, and all this controversy over the school address is just a manifestation of the deep-seated hatred held in too many people worldwide. like chris rock said: "i always expect racism."

a question for the people

2009-09-07T19:11:00.002+01:00

inspired by a conversation with an amazing friend yesterday, i pose this question to you all:

is it possible to love your life and your blessings while at the same time hating what you do daily to earn a living (e.g. your job)? how long can you separate the two? how long before the positive overcomes the dislike or the dislike corrupts the joy?

i'd love to hear what you all have to say.

still fighting the dissertation monster

2009-09-03T18:05:00.002+01:00

sorry for the hiatus, but things have definitely picked up. i swear, i am doing 5 things at once. between finalizing experiments, writing in 2 papers (another paper is about to start...and all the deadlines are in a month!!!), writing in my dissertation, preparing for life after grad school, and reading related work, i don't know which end is up right now. all this craziness will be over soon (or at least that is what keeps me going when i feel too tired), and i look forward to some time off. we've definitely come a long way, and we are almost done.

back to the grind

the twitter phenomenon

2009-08-26T11:22:00.004+01:00

i was averse to twitter for quite some time. it wasn't until @themoneymaven (over there at moneyisjustanidea.com) explained what he saw as the value of twitter that i too stepped into the light. granted, my initial reservations about twitter were 100% correct: you get a LOT of people that tweet absolute nonsense that is of no value. however, there are those special individuals that provide life-changing insights with their tweets. these world-changing tweets can be few and far between, but it is indeed worth it when you catch them. i guess this comes down to a question of efficiency. how long do i have to plough through mediocre tweets before the golden nugget comes through? along the lines of providing a platform you one individual to captivate the world without requiring 'too much' of the world's attention to do it (you only get 140 characters, make it short, sweet and too the point), twitter is GREAT. it is the best way to market and create and propagate branding. i am not so sure that it is just as great when used as a simple means of communication. this brings me to my next point...

(warning, my speculation is coming)

teenagers and twitter. they do not like nor use twitter, opting for more elaborate means to communicate without restriction (sms, myspace, facebook, imeem, youtube). at their age, teenagers do not always see the value in sharing words of wisdom and insightful information. their communication is more social (did you see chris brown's new video) and less like 'did you here about this new way to improve you life.' for their communication needs, twitter is NOT EXPRESSIVE enough. read this nytimes article about this in today's paper [free registration may be required]. notice how the 18-year-old's quote: “[i] just think it’s weird and [i] don’t feel like everyone needs to know what [i]’m doing every second of my life,” she said. you see what i mean. she can only see twitter as another avenue to tell what is going on in her life. she is not thinking about how she could possibly share with the world the great thoughts that she has frequently. i fell into this type of thinking too initially, but i have since been enlightened. thanks to @themoneymaven.

to be fair, younger people (and more mature individuals) may not necessarily see the value of (or be capable of generating) deep thoughts about topics of interest. maybe it is an attention span thing. maybe thinking simply takes too long, and it is much easier and takes less effort to post pictures and videos or comment on people's pages. since sms is so popular with young people (and older people for that matter), it would be interesting to see what type of chatter occupies that space. is it simply gossip? or can you possibly have a deep conversation via sms?

i still find blogging the best way to express ideas and thoughts clearly and thoroughly, but i guess we are adapting to the dumbing down of society with these reduced-attention span communication mediums. i can see twitter as a GREAT platform, but it is NOT a replacement for blogging as some seem to think it is. that is utterly ridiculous to me. what's next, twitter replacing book?!?!?!

p.s. - microsoft poland feels it is NOT good to show black people in ads and photoshopped a black man out in place of a white man--check it out here (note: follow the links to see the actual microsoft pages and notice how the polish site reverted back to the original image)

24,000 words and counting

2009-08-25T20:20:00.003+01:00

24,000 words in my dissertation and it's looking good. it has been non-stop work the last 2 weeks. i look forward to a few days of relaxing in scotland soon. i can see the end, and it is just added motivation to keep pressing forward. i have almost got things on autopilot, but there are some nagging experiments and calculations that i must finish. they are turning into royal pains in the ass, but i hope to have things solved in the next week or so. we shall see. i hope to get back to thinking of thought-provoking blog posts. i do apologize for my slow down.

p.s. - i am reading 4-hour work week and seneca: letters from a stoic and both books are EXCELLENT. i definitely would encourage you to pick them up and read them.

also, make sure to start checking tim ferriss' blog regularly. he has a GREAT post about rev. dr. martin luther king, jr. up now.

finally feel like a phd student.....and it only took 4 years

2009-08-17T17:18:00.002+01:00

had an interesting feeling today as i was working frantically to make sure i meet a deadline (in like 3 weeks) that i just became aware of today. although, i am still waiting on experiments to finish so i have results to actually write about, i had a confident feeling as i continued to write as much as i could without data. the feeling was one that made me realize that i am a phd student, and i actually feel like one, FINALLY. i am not sure what sparked this new feeling, but i am sure it has a lot to do with the fact that i have set a deadline to submit my dissertation and am working toward this clear cut deadline daily. there is no more feeling lost or confused or stuck. it's like a job now---i come in, do my work, and leave.

the writing is becoming easier. partly because i know what to write as my knowledge level is higher and the amount of information i have to draw from is larger.

i am working through new problems confidently. using the fundamentals to build up to the problem from basic principles.

more intelligent things come out of my mouth when responding to questions.

and lastly, people come to me expecting me to be able to answer all their storage questions concerning performance and energy. does this mean i am an expert?

the virtue of DOING

2009-08-12T18:12:00.003+01:00

my man moh hit me in the head today with this today:

"only those who are asleep make no mistakes" - ingvar kamprad (founder of ikea)

these words are powerful enough on their own, but i had been mulling over another quote from earlier on in the week that made this quote that much greater:

"wisdom is knowing what to do; virtue is doing it" - david starr jordan

i had to go and look up virtue to really make this passage make sense. virtue is defined as effective force, power, and potency. i understood this 'effective force, power, and potency' to be that of the mind's manifestation into execution. thoroughness and execution and follow-through have been reoccurring themes in my thoughts as of late, because i truly value these qualities and see how even the slightest drop of them can position you miles ahead of your competition.

fear of failure is probably the worst fear because it simply paralyzes individuals. have you ever heard anybody say they didn't want to do something because they were scared to fail? it's crazy. we must learn to act and do as if failure is impossible. i guess this is what my parents were trying to say when they would tell me 'you never know until you try.' we all will make mistakes, but the winners understand that DOING in spite of past mistakes (and lessons learned from them) are what make them winners.

i'll leave you with this (from my favorite athlete of all time):

"i've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. i've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, i've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. i've failed over and over and over again in my life. and that is why i succeed." - michael jordan

define your fears before you define your goals

2009-08-11T16:43:00.002+01:00

tim ferriss (author of the 4-Hour Work Week) has just become my new favorite blogger to follow daily. (check the link to the right --->). here is just a taste of some of the awesomeness that spews from this guys brilliant mind:

"Named must your fear be before banish it you can." - Master Yoda

litmus test for the rcession in your area

2009-08-06T18:16:00.002+01:00

here was an interesting (and funny) article i read today on cnbc's website. next time you go out, take a good look around and 'gauge' the level of recession where you are. it seems to make complete sense as much as we would like to think 'beauty' is not an issue.

the hotter the waitress, the weaker the economy

what are you on track for?

2009-08-04T17:01:00.002+01:00

whether to make sure you stay on task to complete your day's to-do list or to make sure you are doing the right thing to achieve larger goals, this is a great question to ask of yourself throughout the day. i find it particularly useful to ask this first thing in the morning. this has proven full proof in getting me up out of bed each day.

this question, followed by a morning workout, followed by doing is the essential recipe for guaranteed productive days.

these days, i am doing all i can to make sure i can finish and submit my dissertation before the end of the year. i ran into a minor (at least what i hope is a minor) hiccup that could potentially add much more work before i would be able to submit. let's pray that it is minor and does not cause any major delay. having almost come full circle with this whole phd thing, the feeling is one of slight disappointment. i think too often, we get in our heads that reaching a certain level of achievement will be similar to walking into a totally different existence overnight. most times, it is not like this. and now, i see this with my phd. it's not to say that i am not happy about it all, just that i 'expected' the feeling to be totally different than what it is. at the heart of it all, we are who we are and no accolade will change that or our existence. i guess what i am trying to explain is kind of along the lines of the phrase, 'the grass is always greener on the other side,'; meaning that we desire what we don't have, most times, for the simple fact that we do not have it and think we want/need it. too, we concoct an idea of what we don't have that is much greater than the idea of the thing we don't have actually merits. that is, we give it more value than it actually is worth in a sense.

why do we do this? hmmm, good question. i don't know. maybe this is a false sense of motivation to achieve for some. or maybe, it is a reason for underachievers to feel content in not trying (because the thing is too 'great' for them to possibly achieve in their minds).

maybe i have it all wrong. maybe the feeling of disappointment in the first place is really a manifestation of the realization that i have yet more mountain to climb, and this prevents me from 'enjoying' the moment. i guess this is the way it should be right!?!?! we are to embrace and enjoy the journey (as it is normally a larger portion of our time and energy) and NOT the goal (as this is only a short period of time....a few hours, a day maybe, or some longer period of time but NOT indefinitely). is this the curse of being driven? is this the challenge of understanding how to manage ambition? i think so. to a certain extent, happiness comes from feeling good about what you have done/accomplished. BUT, for some, the happiness comes from DOING more. the challenge is where some get their happiness and enjoyment.

a GREAT and interesting story that will probably not make the local news

2009-07-29T17:47:00.002+01:00

14-year-old 'surgeon' to present findings today. The ninth-grader developed a new technique for sewing up hysterectomy patients

how to stay motivated

2009-07-27T18:36:00.002+01:00

the tricky thing with trying to achieve our goals is the difficulty in overcoming adversity along the way. adverse conditions can add levels of difficulty that can seem unsurmountable at times, but we must continue the fight in pursuit of reaching our destinations. this thought was a huge inspiration to me this afternoon, and i hope you find it just as useful:

"want to achieve your goal more than you want things to be easy" - me

thoughts are POWERFUL + dr. gates + HORRIBLE education in georgia

2009-07-23T18:05:00.003+01:00

didn't really expect to hear jd spit some real sh*t, but the lil' homie did his thing. in particular, start watching (WARNING: some explicit language) at 2:00 and STOP watching at 3:15 (UNLESS you want to really hear how we party in the south or step into the world of a strip club regular). i might have to start checking his blog regularly if this is the kind of thing i can expect. preciate the encouragement jd and keep doing you thing.

(don't know how you lost janet's fine/sexy a$$ but at least you had her to lose....lol)

SHOUT OUT to magic city mondays, 5 dolla wednesdays (pin-ups), onyx on fridays, and platinum 21 on saturdays (ain't been in the city in 4 damn years, but i know what nights still pop.....ya dig....lol)

switching gears.....

this whole dr. henry louis gates, jr. thing is really sad. whose to say the same thing couldn't happen to the president if the police could actually get to the white house door. it's almost as if you black, you automatically are wrong. that's really eff'd up, but it's hard not to get this impression from the things you see happening in the media. i mean hell, look at how the president is being scrutinized. i WILL say that i am PROUD that he said that the police officer acted 'stupidly.' way to call it like it is. now, let's see the racists in america try and rip obama for that.

it's very ironic that the whole mess happens just as cnn is in the middle of airing their 'black in america pt. 2.' i hear that ms. o'brien has been able to include an interview with dr. gates to include in tonight's program. i need to make sure i catch these online somewhere.

switching gears again....

ALL the news about georgia AIN'T been good news (in the steve harvey kings of comedy segment voice where he is talking about ray caruth and the carolina panthers). check this disheartening story out

nothing like walking to work in the rain to start your day off on the right foot

2009-07-21T11:12:00.002+01:00

it takes more than that to ruin my day though. there's work to be done and loads to lift before i can graduate.

1. look at our gov't officials. bunch of underachievers. is anyone else scared that these types of actions ARE NOT surprising anymore!!!! i have been SCREAMING this (that the cellphone convo, not HOLDING the phone, is the distracting part of phone calls while driving) for YEARS. [nytimes article, free registration may be required]

2. you local sports media outlets better get on your damn job. espn ain't playin' NO GAMES!!! [nytimes article, free registration may be required]

president obama's speech to the naacp

2009-07-20T12:55:00.003+01:00

i know there have been numerous obama posts lately, but he is just always doing amazing things!!! video is nearly 40 minutes long, but WELL worth it. very inspirational words from our president.

INTERESTING physics lectures from 1964 (made possible by bill gates)

2009-07-15T20:58:00.003+01:00

from slashdot:

"...let's see how badly you want to see Feynman's Messenger Lectures on Physics. Bill Gates has the goods over at Microsoft Research's Project Tuva site. Also, CNET's Ina Fried has an interesting interview with Gates. He goes into why he spent his own money to make a series of classic physics lectures available free on the Web..."

http://research.microsoft.com/apps/tools/tuva/

didn't realize until just now that my president was a southpaw

2009-07-15T09:58:00.005+01:00

anyone that knows me knows that i am a HUGE baseball fan and LOVE watching and playing the game. last night, st. louis hosted this year's mid-summer classic (that's the all-star game if you are not a fan), and the president threw out the ceremonial first pitch to start the game. i did not realize that he was a lefty until this picture made it perfectly clear. and now that i think about it, i do remember seeing him sign certain documents with his left hand.

work, work, work

2009-07-14T18:48:00.002+01:00

that's been the story for the last week and a half. nothing too exciting save knowing that i can see more clearly and end to graduate school. the pressure is on, and i am still learning to fight the need to rush things, thinking that i do not have enough time.

it's funny though; the closer i get to finishing, it seems that my plate continues to grow with additional things to do. i guess this is the price you pay.

ummmmm...........randomness i had to share

2009-07-11T08:24:00.004+01:00

first......you can't be mad at obama for taking a detailed look (if that is what he was doing) at a nice-looking chick with a nice-looking....(insert politically correct compliment for a women's rear). however, french president nicolas sarkozy has got to be more DISCRETE about his though. at least you can't confirm undeniably that president obama was looking at her a$$.

second.......i always knew that sigmas were EXTRA wack. this just confirms it (honorary members......who does that!?!?!?!?!). wanting to be a sigma is like striving to be next to last. i say 'next to' because everybody knows that the mythical members of the mythical frat iota phi theta are last. at least with the nupes and the queues there is room for debate, although everyone knows that kappa alpha psi fraternity, incorporated is the greatest frat on the planet!!!

p.s. - when will people learn that once you create a platform online, LEAVE IT ALONE and let the USERS CONTROL IT. the days of forcing people to do things the way you want them to do it are OVER (read jeff jarvis' 'what would google do' if this topic is of interest). [nytimes article, free registration may be required]

the downhill

2009-07-10T18:22:00.002+01:00

things are definitely downhill from here, and i am happy to say so. i am glad to say that my work moving froward is exclusive of taking anymore hardware measurements! if you have ever done hands-on measurements or experimentation, you understand why i say that i am glad to be done with them (at least for the rest of my phd). before i can completely take my foot off the break and coast as fast as gravity will pull, i must ensure that i am going in the right direction. this week's progress (if you can call it that) has been extremely slow and painful, but i am glad and thankful that i am fixing these bugs and errors in my software before i base conclusions on bad results.

p.s. - on a lighter note, i love baseball and look forward to seeing how this technology ranks players. [nytimes article, free registration may be required]

having purpose (short- and long-term)

2009-07-09T18:58:00.003+01:00

i have not been at a loss for purpose and things to do for the past three months it seems, and i am very pleased to say so. my existence here in cambridge is pretty solitary (if not completely so). on the one hand, this is a great thing because there is no one to distract me from the job at hand. on the other is the fact (more like fear) that maybe i have forgotten how to balance intense work with play. this was just a thought i had today while walking to work this morning. seeing how intensely i have locked in over the past month, i really hope that subconsciously i know that it is acceptable to do that here (where i am alone and no one is depending on me), but once i get back around family and friends in the us, i need more balance.

that was the short-term part.

as for long-term, i also fear that my appetite to do and want more may be insatiable and happiness may be something i continuously chase rather although i have already caught and just don't know it. i guess this really plays out when you have people around you that care about you deeply, but you cannot truly enjoy then and be happy because you are too busy NOT being thankful and happy for all that you have accomplished and relationships achieved. i do not think this is the case, but it is one of those things of which you need to be aware.

as i have said for about 10 years now, my competitiveness is my gift and my curse.

ability to focus or simply passion?

2009-07-08T18:22:00.002+01:00

the last few days, my focus has been extremely high as i have been debugging some errors in a piece of software i need to get going to continue to press forward. i have made significant strides each day due to the ability to focus and concentrate for hours at a time. while taking a short break, i thought to myself, "is the focus that i have exhibited the last few days been because i am totally in love with my work or simply an exercising of an uncanny ability to block things out and focus for long periods of time?"

this was an interesting (and scary) thought to me because i was not sure what the answer is. i love challenges and solving difficult problems. i am very motivated to FINISH my phd and go to the next stage in life. i have always seemed to be able to focus intently for extended periods of time with no problem (prime example it studying for finals in college). and somewhere in there, i am very interested (not sure if love is the right word here....could this be my answer....lol?). my perspective may be a bit jaded because i have been working in this same area for such a long time that my true love for it is blurred and i perceive it as 'very interested' instead. just a thought.

p.s. - i listened to (but watched the majority of) the entire MJ memorial service today. it was very moving and very well put together.

seeing the end!!!

2009-07-07T22:22:00.002+01:00

i had a great meeting with my advisor today, but it was not great due to anything that he said to me. it was great because the dissertation outline that we have been using as meeting material for about a month and a half now is nearly complete!!! the last chapter in the outline is more of a broad, high-level look at things, and should require minimal work in terms of experiments. it should be completed through thought experiments and basic number crunching. needless to say, i can see the end. so much so that we even set a date for me to submit my dissertation: November 6, 2009!!! if that's not exciting then I don't know what is.

the only thing between me and this deadline is the work to be done!!!

getting while the getting is GREAT

2009-07-07T10:11:00.003+01:00

i'm not sure if it is just me, but i seem to operate at a much higher level of focus, intensity, efficiency, and (subsequently) productivity when i am stressed, have deadlines, and/or am under pressure. however, sometimes i tend not to embrace hectic times by not seeing the complete picture of the circumstance (e.g. - the positive state of operation i experience when going through these times).

is this just another example of human tendency not to want to 'suffer' temporarily for much long-term gain? is this another example of saying you want one thing but not really meaning it? or is this simply not truly understanding what it takes to accomplish goals and achieve dreams?

i am sure there are multiple combinations of answers for this, and i am also sure that the answers vary depending on the person. however, one thing that i know for myself (that i owe to this phd journey) is that i would much rather the stress of having too much work to do rather than the self-imposed stress of wanting to have work to do but not being able to come up with anything worthwhile. the latter can damn near drive you insane at times.

ambition

2009-07-03T19:28:00.003+01:00

ambition - an earnest¹ desire² for achievement³ and distinction⁴

(1) earnest - serious in intention

(2) desire - to long for something

(3) achievement - something accomplished, especially by superior ability, special effort, or great courage

(4) distinction - mark of honor

p.s. - definitions courtesy of dictionary.com

sorry for the delay, been hella busy.....

2009-07-02T18:22:00.003+01:00

but, here is a quick rundown of the last few weeks:

1. bill gates was awesome and actually is a pretty funny dude.
2. i only met my first deadline, but i have 1 complete paper and another nearly complete one as a result. still a GREAT accomplishment for a 3-week time period. i am hoping this insanity has pushed my dissertation submission date up at least 2 months.
3. weather hear in cambridge is FINALLY nice. sun is out and it is blazing hot. too bad we dont have air conditioning in the crib.
4. wifey was here since the 14th of june, and we had an amazing time. scoped out st. john's college's may ball. hit paris for 2 days, saw cedric the entertainer in london, toured cambridge, etc. etc. GREAT time!!!
5. need to really start thinking about graduation and finalizing my dissertation.
6. need to get back to thinking about what my next move is after graduation and actively working on making those dreams happen.
7. i have finally spotted the next camera i want to buy. i need to get it before i go to rome in september. i told myself i have to earn 300 gbp before i buy it though! so, i have a challenge for the next 2 months.

that is all i can think of right now, but i will continue to catch up and elaborate as the stories come back to me.

p.s. - R.I.P. Michael Jackson, the King of Pop!!!

back from barcelona

2009-06-08T19:52:00.003+01:00

had a great vacation in barcelona this past weekend. made it a long weekend and took friday off. i did not know that it was possible to relax without getting any damn sleep.....lol. the trip allowed me to totally decompress, but i got NO sleep. just took a few naps....lol. weather was beautiful. sun was shining but it wasn't too hot.

but......all that is over now and it's time to get back on the grind and turn that intensity back up to 100. got a deadline tomorrow and on the 22nd. 2 papers all in the same month. this will def be a story worth telling once i finish.

oh yea, i get to be in the same room with THE bill gates this coming friday. yes......mr. microsoft himself. i can't wait. should have some pictures on deck from that to share!!!

be thorough, FINISH, execution, follow through, etc.

2009-06-02T21:07:00.002+01:00

"if you have the courage to start, then have the commitment to finish."

these were the motivating words for me today. i have been working diligently for my short-term deadlines, but i also have finishing my phd heavily on the brain.

let's make it happen!

hitting a home run

2009-06-01T19:18:00.003+01:00

for those of you that have not had the experience of playing baseball, hitting a home run has to be one the greatest immediate feelings of accomplishments. most times, you do not feel any impact of the bat on the ball in your hands because you hit the ball right on the sweet spot of the bat.

i say all that to begin describing how my talk went today to my group members here in the lab. it was awesome. totally relaxed. not nervous. very confident. a perfect combination. guaranteed for success. i was able to recall all of my talking points on my slides. talk transition and progression was seamless. referencing previous slides worked as expected. the entire audience followed without confusion. the talk was probably 30-35 minutes in length, but there was another 10-15 minutes of questions letting me know i had everyone engaged.

i guess this means i know what i am talking about because i really did not prepare for the talk save selecting and creating slides for it!!!

double standards or money well spent???

2009-05-28T15:50:00.003+01:00

i have been reluctant to post about this (and give this guy more pr), but i saw this article earlier this morning and couldn't resist pointing to it. i am as big a t.i. fan as they come (i can remember back in my second year of college when no one in atlanta would play his records but greg street.....shout out to greg street and thanks for coming back to atlanta a few years back). however, i am totally perplexed at how this guys did it. double standards? money well spent hiring the proper expertise? i don't know, but here is the article (it compares t.i. to mike vick).

no internet in 2009 is like...

2009-05-26T20:25:00.003+01:00

not having running water or electricity!!! you should have seen the reaction on people's faces when i told them that my internet was down at my crib for the last few days. it was pretty funny (their reactions, NOT not having internet.....lol).

luckily, internet is back up and should be ready to go when i get home. i' m back connected to the world. who would have ever thought that you could feel so out of touch with the world in only 10-12 hours of being disconnected!?!?!?! how far we have come.

first citation of my work found!!!

2009-05-26T20:19:00.002+01:00

in a very surprising collection of search results, i found the first citation of my work published back in september 2008. the work referencing my paper was actually just published earlier this month, so the timing is crazy. more importantly, the work that referenced my work turns out to be extremely relevant (and helpful) to the work i am buried in at the moment. and the only reason i stumbled upon this new publication is because i had forced myself to continue to push and work even though i did not fully know how to complete what i was working on (i was basically starting the write up for this current work). doing just a little bit of what you do know is always the way to go. however, it can be discouraging to start knowing that you can only complete 1% right now. well, that 1% you do not have to do later!!! and, you may even come across some information in the doing to help you understand what that other 99% is. this is exactly what happened to me today. 2 positives came from it all: (1) seeing my work referenced and (2) finding a relevant publication to help me with my work. you have to love the journey.

make it routine

2009-05-21T20:33:00.002+01:00

on the walk to work this morning, i was thinking of how i could possibly incorporate waking up early in the morning and jogging to get into better cardio shape for basketball (and wishfully, flag-football and any other sports of interest i can find pick-up games of). i thought to myself: 'how can i get into shape without running'? i had to laugh at this stupidity and laziness of this thought.

if you want the results, you HAVE to make it a point to do ALL the activities that bring about the sought results. the activities have to become routine AND habit. that's the only way. there are no shortcuts. the problem for most people that KNOW EXACTLY what they need to do to reap the desired outcomes is that they are not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to ensure the goals are achieved. that is, people don't want to give up television. people don't want to wake up at 5:30 am. people don't want to work a few hours later in the evening. don't get me wrong, it is difficult. BUT, making it routine (which comes from forced execution for a time window) will incorporate it into your daily habits, and it will no longer seem like a big deal.

make every hour count.

i have purposely omitted the fact that you have to find out what activities bring about the results you seek. this is a totally separate topic for another post potentially. essentially, just as people don't want to give up television, people don't want to do the research to find out how to achieve their goals.

the perfect equation...

2009-05-19T19:18:00.002+01:00

1. deadline + time limit = pressure
2. pressure = extreme focus * intensity * motivation * dedication
3. deadline + time limit = extreme focus * intensity * motivation * dedication

success is the only outcome with these ingredients. 1 month and counting.

super grind mode

2009-05-16T12:19:00.008+01:00

feelin' great today. can't really explain it, but i have an insatiable appetite to accomplish tasks. it's great because i have a lot to do. is the feeling because i have a lot to do? who knows. been very productive up to this point and i don't see any signs of letting up. it's going to be a very powerful and productive day.

*in the soulja boy - turn my swag on rhythm*...
hopped up out the bed, turned my swag on....turned the dial up to super grind mode.....yea, we goin' hard!!!

p.s. - i saw this, and although it is super hilarious, it is super TRUE!!!

and we are back in the game

2009-05-15T19:52:00.003+01:00

had an awesome day today! i have a clear direction for my deadline next month and am diligently working to get the work done. i know what experiments i need to run. i know the data i need to support my claims. and i even can begin writing in the meantime while i wait for experiments to run.

it must be something about springtime and the sunshine here for me. it really seems to get me going. last year (about this time) was when work really picked up. if only i could learn to fabricate this _feeling_ all year round.

regardless........it's here, and i plan to take advantage.

the power of a smile (cont'd)

2009-05-13T18:52:00.002+01:00

when we have a negative outlook on life or when we are simply not smiling, we tend to focus more on negative things. and, as i have said before, your body follows the direction in which you are looking. when we focus on negativity, we are essentially looking for it; AND, you are ALWAYS gonna find it. what we may perceive as "when it rains, it pours," is actually a "sun shower" (sprinkles of rain in the beaming sunshine). too many times, we choose to ignore the beaming sunshine. we are not necessarily experiencing a succession of negative things , we just may be preventing ourselves from seeing anything positive and think there are only bad things happening to us.

the same thing can be said of having a constant smile and happiness that is unshakable. yes, we all experience setbacks. BUT, we wield the power not to allow something external to affect our internal state. as kanye says in his book (thank you and you're welcome), "life is 5% what happens to you......and 95% how you react"!!!

i'd rather think it was raining blessings than curses. and, that is what i CHOOSE to think. it's that easy. the rest is done.

the power of a smile

2009-05-12T18:34:00.002+01:00

it's no coincidence that when you are in a good mood, things seem to "go your way," and when you are having a bad day, you may find yourself thinking "when it rains, it pours."

the ONLY difference between these two outcomes is one's state of mind or emotional state. you manufacture what you receive. you get back what you give out. that's it. make sure you are using the right bait!!!

broadening your perspective

2009-05-11T19:01:00.002+01:00

throughout our lives and our daily tasks, we are often faced with opportunities to view situations and circumstances from different angles and perspectives. too often at these junctures, we allow our focus to hinder our sight; that is, we are so focused with our heads down churning away at the task at hand that we forget to look up and survey the vast openness that lies ahead of us. lately, i have really been struggling with my own vision. does it exist? how good is it? what is clouding it? am i looking too hard? *shrugging my shoulders*

growing up, i used to hear sayings such as "you can't see the forest for the trees" and "you can't see for looking." i thought i understood them, but i am learning that there is a bit more to the sayings than the initial message. they really speak to being able to maintain a focus on the "big picture" while simultaneously focusing on the tasks at hand. with my research, this has been a constant hindrance for me as, too often, i lose sight of what in the heck i am working towards while solving the little problems to get there. as a result, i am constantly looking back and making sure i know where i am going. is this normal for research? *shrugging my shoulders* i have no idea. however, i do feel that certain individuals have natural skills in keeping sight of the goal.

the analogy of the ostrich with his head in the sand is a great illustration of this. when we raise the altitude of our line of sight, we not only see where we want to go more clearly, but we are also given the opportunity to survey what other options (relevant or better) exist. this whole phd thing is not only intense training at managing a research project on your own, but it is also intense training in developing and using your vision and creativity.

the definition of indexing.......a computer scientist's definition

2009-05-08T18:51:00.002+01:00

an index is defined as "a reference table that contains the keys or references needed to address data items." indexing is the act of using an index to retrieve information. this has been on my mind lately as i have been amazed at the ability of human beings to recall the most random and minute memories from the vast information store that is the human brain. it's unbelievable. too, i think about how google has managed to organize the world's information and use its index to present relevant results through a simple google search. perhaps this last though is due to me having recently finished reading jeff jarvis' 'what would google do' (a great book btw if you are interested in how google has changed the way business and marketing and customer relations work in this google age).

this afternoon, i began to think about some of the lessons i have learned during my phd, and what struck me was how much of a phd is coming up with new and cool and relevant ideas. yes, you have to go and do the work too, but, as with most things, coming up with the initial idea is the hardest part. think about business ideas for example. for most, coming up with the killer idea is the hardest part. there is no recipe for how to come up with ideas. it varies from person and some are more gifted at this than others. however, practice does help. what i have found to be my struggle is that i seem to come up with ideas out of sequence or order. that is, ideas that may be a few steps ahead of where i am currently. because of the randomness of my thinking, a lot of potentially good ideas get tossed out of my brain instead of stored for later indexing. i saw this first-hand today as i came across an idea (which happened to be step 1). it just so happened that i needed to flip back through my notebook for another piece of information, and i just so happened to stumble upon step 2. a great idea i had a month or so ago that could not have fit more perfectly with step 1.

i guess this is some indication or artifact that i am still not sold on my ability and need to have more confidence that what i say has meaning, even if it may not have meaning that very moment!!!

because that's what engineers do...

2009-04-28T18:58:00.002+01:00

we see a problem and solve it. real simple. not necessarily easy. but VERY simple.

i'm not giving up until my work is done and the problem is solved.

never not working!!!

2009-04-27T18:38:00.004+01:00

no tv, no sleeping, no idleness. just a constant grind inching toward the goal. it's so funny how success and accomplishment look so easy, but it's just smoke and mirrors. it's hard.....well.....maybe not always hard per se, but it ALWAYS requires EFFORT.....and lots of it. you get out what you put in. for those of you on twitter, i would encourage you to follow some successful people and make it a point to closely monitor the timestamps of their activities. i would put money on it that those successful individuals go to bed after you and rise before you. i bet you! (good look on the assist O)

the great renaissance artist michelangelo said it best:

'if people knew how hard i worked at my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful.'

.......and there you have it. it doesn't get much more clear than that. however, michelangelo, i think that the REAL reason people hold successful people in such high esteem is NOT because we think they are great with such relative ease.....NO........i think deep down inside we really know how hard they busted their tails to be successful and THAT my friend is what we are secretly praising in celebrating these individuals because we feel that we could not live up to that standard of work ethic! knowing how hard you worked makes you that much more wonderful good sir!!!

that feeling that you are feeling inside right now is you telling you, 'hey, we can go a lot harder.' and yes, you can go harder. but here is the kicker that people really don't like: you NEVER know how long you have to go hard for!!! this eliminates 99.9% of the competition right there.

i'll leave you with this...

it's funny how people will work forever, for some damn body else, makin' scraps.....but.....they will not do the same, for themselves, for a whole lot more reward. it's crazy. don't worry, that burnin' sensation means that the medicine is working!!!

go hard, flame on, lock in.........whatever the hell you wanna call it

important but not interesting

2009-04-24T14:16:00.002+01:00

it's funny how others can be so helpful in summarizing your situation simply by their ability to survey the entire situation from a higher vantage point. i have been fighting tooth and nail for the last month and a half or so with my research, and i could not explain so succinctly what the problem was. not expecting such a clear description of my dilemma, i went and chatted with a well-respected researcher here in the lab a week ago in hopes of gaining some new directions and ideas. the visit was helpful, and i did come away with a positive feel. however, the part that stuck with me the most was his description of my situation, that what i am undertaking is "important but not interesting."

after he said it, i was like 'wow, he perfectly articulated what i have been confusedly feeling for about 8 months now.' the solution to the power crisis is simple: turn sh*t off when it is not in use. the only problem with this is that computing and the internet have been classed as 24/7/365, instantaneous, and never broken. computing and the internet are never supposed to be turned off. the problem with this 'perfect' availability is how it is manufactured using imperfect hardware. this manifests itself as many redundant copies of the same damn data for ~~insurance~~ reliability purposes. not only does all this production hardware have to be on all the time. the back-ups have to be on all the time too. so whatever power is being consumed by the infrastructure serving requests, just multiply that by how many backups you have. crazy right!

i digress......the fact that my solution is to turn stuff off is VERY uninteresting, but VERY important. so......now i am in a situation where i am racking my brain trying to find an interesting spin for a given application space of turning things off and on without anybody noticing but the person responsible for paying the electricity bill.

p.s. - i just couldn't NOT post this link. insane, right. somebody tell the ny ball clubs that we are in a recession

excelling in your current situation always bears fruit

2009-04-14T18:42:00.002+01:00

so i was doing some deep thinking over this past Easter weekend, and i began to think about how we can know that our hard work will pay off....you know, how do i know that i am working diligently in the right field/career/etc. and i spoke to a good friend of mine and posed this question. the response i got was that in whatever we are doing, if we continue to work hard and excel, we will always find our way to our destiny. this made a great deal of sense to me because i am a firm believer that there is direction and inspiration that comes from 'doing.' if we happen to be in the wrong career field,something that we are not passionate about but we know and are actively searching for our destiny through thought and research, we will eventually find our way to our passion.

congrats to michael jordan, the greatest to ever play the game

2009-04-08T10:12:00.005+01:00

congratulations mj on being selected into the nba hall of fame.

dear self...

2009-04-03T17:27:00.004+01:00

dear self,

i hope this letter finds you blessed and well. i am writing you simply to share some essential thoughts and feelings that i can no longer keep inside. our intensity, grind, competitiveness, goals, and determination have afforded us many opportunities and successes that most people will never achieve or that most people cannot fathom. many are probably envious. however, we know that there is so much more in store if we simply stay the course of fulfilling our dreams. our potential is limitless if we only continue fighting and working towards the constantly-moving finish line. we know it keeps getting pushed farther, but we enjoy it and keep reaching.

no matter where we think we are, we must turn the intensity up even higher. when we speak to other people, common responses are that we are smart, accomplished, set to get a good _job_. but, our frame of reference is so different at this point. similar to how lebron's perspective on money is focused on the warren buffets and bill gates (people with more money than himself), we have set our sights on individuals that are smarter, harder working, and wealthier than we are at present. and to that end, we must not let our sights slip. the bar has been set, and it cannot be lowered for any reason. laziness is not an option.

i do not want this letter to come across negative. it is meant to be strictly positive and motivational and inspirational. the work we have accomplished thus far is amazing, but our goal has not been reached yet; and, we must remember that. i know at times we may feel that we have possibly aimed to high. but, let me assure you that that feeling is the tiny remains of the dying voice of mediocrity and averageness leaving our body. it has been said that "the greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." (michaelangelo....our favorite ninja turtle for a reason)

- ah

(good look on the idea O-dubb---over there at moneyisjustanidea.com)

you are center stage.....now what

2009-04-02T18:16:00.002+01:00

i feel like i have so many eyeballs on me, and that does nothing but add pressure because you know so many people want to see you do well. it's hard to explain the challenges you face day-to-day, and so many people think that there is a time limit to a phd. no, you can clearly be doing a phd for as long as you would like. you don't simply get one because you have been here for X number of years. a lot of what lies beneath the surface is damn near impossible to understand until you have been there and done that. it's similar to my pledging experience: no matter how much people tried to prepare you for the journey, you really don't know what you are getting into until you experience it first-hand.

the unspoken importance of balance

2009-03-31T19:09:00.002+01:00

the other day as i was leaving the office, i somehow started reflected on how balanced my life is. and sadly, i came to the conclusion that things are horribly imbalanced in my life right now. considering life as consisting of work, play/social, and love/companionship, my scale is too heavily weighted towards work. the social and companionship aspects of my life are seriously lacking, but this is more so out of circumstance than by choice or lack of effort.

so, my next thought was exactly how important is balance, and how exactly is my work suffering as a result of this imbalance. needless to say, i really didn't come to a conclusion because it is difficult to quantify something like this when you cannot easily change the circumstances (that is, make my life completely balanced tomorrow for the sake of a scientific experiment for comparison) for a fair comparison.

ummm, yea....that's it.....lol. sorry for the ramble, but i just felt like sharing.

what are your plans once you finish?

2009-03-30T19:46:00.002+01:00

this is the million dollar question i get immediately after telling people what i am currently doing. and, to be perfectly honest, i have no DEFINITE idea. i am toying with a number of options, but, if i had to make a decision tomorrow, i have not decided. i keep telling myself that i have time to decide, but i may need to begin seriously trying to narrow down my choices and make a decision. and hopefully, this will help me finish my degree. on the other hand, things are so cluttered in my head right now, i don't even know if it is possible for me to make a GOOD decision at this point.

maybe i am lying to myself in saying that things in my head are cluttered, and the real reason is simply i am terrified and that's why i am indecisive (and the fear is perceive by me as "clutter"). there are so many things going on in my head which make my next step unclear. i am just now coming to realize what my passions are and what i enjoy. i am just now gaining the confidence to act on these passions. i am just now opening my mind up to the endless possibilities that are my desires. the magnitude of the success that i envision can be overwhelming at times. at others, it's extremely motivating and inspirational.

i could continue to write and ramble on about all the things going on in my head right now. i will spare you the reading and simply share with you a quote i heard this past friday that really stuck with me:

"...every step means something." - keri hilson (on angie martinez's afternoon radio show on hot97 in ny)

reach down and get more when you feel there is nothing left

2009-03-26T18:07:00.002Z

this seems to be the case when i am facing barriers with my research. it's tough. not only are the problems challenging, but you find yourself fighting other distractions and competitors for your attention/energy/time. however, whenever i feel discouraged or "tired in the 4th quarter" i have resolved (to myself of course) to remember how much i love challenges and to think about a life in which nothing was difficult. let's hope that works.

"if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready" - will smith

2009-03-24T18:50:00.002Z

this was an interesting quote i just listened to, and it got me to thinking about preparation and being ready. my thoughts then began to tackle how this applies to life. are our lives just a continuous stream of opportunities that come along at different points along the timeline? is life just a long timesheet of preparing oneself and "readying" ourselves for these opportunities? it's interesting to think about. i would venture to say yes, but to also acknowledge that there is a lot more to life that fills in the gaps. it is such a sweet feeling to be prepared and absolutely nail questions or requests that come up that no one else has the answers to.

life is most definitely a journey, but between preparation and acquiring knowledge and accomplishing goals, we must learn to embrace the JOURNEY and not the SUCCESS.

understanding when you have reached the point where planning is just procrastination for doing

2009-03-23T17:24:00.002Z

this is where i am at the moment. struggling to determine if my current planning and brainstorming over the last week or so is truly planning or simply a safe place far away from doing. staring at a blank piece of paper waiting for ideas to come has gotten old and i am ready to do some work. the tricky part is that i cannot afford to waste anymore time, so i am kinda in a bind where i need to "make sure" all my efforts are meaningful and relevant to me finishing in the time that i have set out for myself.

inch by inch

2009-03-19T17:56:00.002Z

i am slowly working my way towards a definitive immediate goal with my research, but it can be slow as you try and make sure that there is no wasted effort.....especially when time begins to get short to you mentally. ensuring that what you want to test is actually relevant and interesting enough to warrant the effort. the key thing to remember with proper preparation is that it makes the work easier and smoother. effectively, you are putting in extra time on the front end to make things faster on the back end...

...or at least that's what you hope.